"Age is not for the feeble-minded."
- an elderly woman
Motherless: an impossible condition unless you work for the government.
.
Hope: that vague quality which makes every woman think she can change the man she married into the man she wants.
:.
Disaster: the aftermath of tring to teach a teenager how to drive or put on a condom.
.
Love: the word God used to explain why he had his only begotten son flogged and crusified.1
.
Friendship: the relationship most perferred by girls who are two months older than the boy who confesses he loves them.2
Family: that odd conglomeration of people who from your first memory swear that you are part of them.3
.
Mind: that place you go when your wife tells you to take the garbadge out.4
Pray: those silent words you say while watching the Superbowl after placing a $500 bet.5
The act of not drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon.
(Good advice for all)
"You have every right in the world to be completely wrong."
- as told by me, to my teenage daughter
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand."
- Kurt Vonnegut
"I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.”
George Carlin
"I'm going home, because I'm fucking tired of hanging out with drunk bums in the park."
-unidentified blonde woman
You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think.
-Dorothy Parker
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Oscar Wilde
You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
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