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One-Liners

One-Liners


'Here you can post your favorite one-liners. They can be from comedians, your uncle Phil, or from deep inside your own personal archive. Nothing profane, please. Just stuff that makes you laugh, smile, or simply reflect.'

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What Day Is Today?

~ January 4, 2008 at 22:49 by FatDan (Views: 42 )

"Yesterday is history, and tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, and that's why it's called the present."

- dunno

Bee Movie

~ December 23, 2007 at 10:45 by FatDan (Views: 98 )

I saw Bee Movie recently, and although Jerry Seinfeld wrote it and had a major role, the only line I remember from the entire movie came from a secondary character:

"Why does yogurt night have to be so difficult?"

Good Advice

~ December 22, 2007 at 17:42 by FatDan (Views: 83 )

"Have as good a night as you can."

- store clerk

From the back of a bottle of Old Spice Classic Body Wash...

~ December 17, 2007 at 18:24 by Capnkirk (Views: 152 )

"The Original - If your grandfather hadn't worn it, you wouldn't exist."

That made me laugh out loud in the grocery store.

Biometrics

~ December 17, 2007 at 10:46 by nacrotek (Views: 37 )

Shin: A tool for finding furniture in the dark.

At The Local Coffee/Bagel Shop

~ December 11, 2007 at 11:23 by FatDan (Views: 86 )

"Good things come to those who wake."

Man On Fire

~ December 9, 2007 at 13:16 by FatDan (Views: 70 )

"Forgiveness is between them and God. It's my job to arrange the meeting."

- Denzel Washington's character in Man On Fire

The Simpsons

~ December 7, 2007 at 15:46 by Capnkirk (Views: 93 )

"The Simpson not only jumped the shark, they killed the shark, ate the shark, shit the shark back into the ocean and jumped the shit."

Random (non YouTube) video about the evolution of the sitcom.

Seen On A Bumper

~ December 4, 2007 at 12:55 by FatDan (Views: 148 )

"Come to the Dark Side ... we have cookies."

Getting It

~ November 28, 2007 at 10:17 by FatDan (Views: 59 )

"Sometimes I miss my own point."

- me

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