I bought a self-help video called "How to Handle Disappointment." When I got it home, I found out that the box was empty.
(This sounds like Steven Wright, but I don't know for sure.)
Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
- George Carlin
Does "gross out" mean buying 6 cases of beer?
He's so dumb, he got fired from his job doing quality control at the M&M factory for throwing out all the "W"s.
Being a loser isn't so bad if you're dieting.
When you run out of invisible ink, how do you know?
"I've got more chins than Chinatown"
-- Weird Al - Fat
"and one day you'll finally shut your trap, 'cause you are the cream of the crap"
-- Gene Simmons
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